Christine Luc

mood for today and hopefully for most of my life.

ambitious and steadfastly hopeful in my pursuit of absorbing all the knowledge and beauty the universe has to offer

Trying to put my persona on.

I’m stressing out. I don’t even know what could possibly warrant the stress either. But it remains. Maybe I just secretly enjoy stress.

No, I’m not going down that path. I genuinely do not.

Can I just bottle it up and hurl it at the Pacific Ocean? I’d pick a biodegradable container that can easily dissolve, akin to those packets of dishwashing detergent. Trust me, it WILL be eco-friendly for me to get rid of my stress.

It’s not good for my car to go on yet another quiet and meandering drive to dwell on my thoughts. That’s so hipster, plus it’s eating up my gas tank. 

I feel my thoughts going back and forth, as if every intersection I pass is another randomized choice. Left. Right. How about straight ahead? No wait, can I turn back? Please? Sorry, just missed my turn. Where was I going? I DON’T KNOW, actually.

Sorry, let me just stop at the apartment again. Forgot to pick up a hug from my boyfriend. Do you mind if we’re just late to the party?

Nevermind, maybe I’ll stay home. AND CURL UP IN MY BED WITH THE BLINDS SHUT.

Hahahaha, I was totally kidding, let’s kick some ass.

Went to a wedding yesterday.

I’ve been pretty vehemently against weddings, particularly the thought of having my own some day, but it was an interesting experience. The bride and groom looked like they were about to burst from happiness, and the groom’s mother seemed to dance tirelessly in joy through the night. 

It was at a private country club and certainly felt that way, as if I snuck behind the curtain and joined a private colony of warmth and love.

Toasts were given all during the evening, congratulating the newlyweds. But it was more than that. It was a declaration by guests of their own love for the bride and groom, with sincere wishes for the best all around. 

I don’t know why I found it so strange, this whole ceremony of people announcing that so-and-so was great for the following reasons and that the speaker wanted wonderful things for the couple as well as the couple’s future. It was strange because people don’t do that sort of thing normally, I guess. Maybe they should!

Maybe I should!

Maybe I’ll cheat and not say it to people’s faces, but just cop out and say it here on tumblr, just as many people here prove their sense of romance and idealism without really.. mentioning it in daily conversation IRL.

If I were to give a toast to the people I cared about, here’s what I would say.

“Here’s to you, a wonderful group of people I’m happy to have gotten to know during this past year. I know the recent years have been tough financially and to a large degree, spiritually. But I’m lucky to have been able to be a part of your lives and have you all as a part of mine. I think we’re all better and stronger for it. I think you have great potential and I’m absolutely sure the best is yet to come. But for your sakes, I wish for a close approximation of it soon! Let’s be good friends for a good long time.”

At the moment, I feel mostly content, but restless. I always want to strive for better things of course, but right now I could say I’m in the vicinity of happiness. Happiness generally seems much farther away at the moment than in retrospect, I suspect.

I wish I had a special tupperware container for happiness so that I can save some for later. I’d label it with my name but if some homeless person asked me for it, I’d probably end up giving it away.

That would be cool, a society or nonprofit that stockpiles happiness. The thing is, it exists, but to access it, you probably have to commit to kindhearted actions. Is that the secret that isn’t a secret at all? I would hate to even call that a secret, as it sounds so gimmicky. 

What does it mean to be happy?

And is asking these questions an action relegated to pretentious twenty-somethings? I hope so, so I can stop wondering and just be sure of myself and the general nature of the universe.

I’ll never be sure of myself OR the general nature of the universe, huh.

Sigh, this is too much for me and maybe I should go to bed. I’ll put these questions back in the drawer and pretend I sleep on a bed that floats across galaxies.. but not too quickly, I don’t want to get dizzy from all the stars.

If someone doesn’t want to hang out with you, they won’t hang out with you. For those finding that this is the case, requesting to hang out 20+ times is not the answer, especially if you haven’t seen their face in over a year and yet for some peculiar reason distance is not a concern.

Please just accept this and spare that person the headache. Consider hanging out with someone else instead. After all, the world is rather populated with many options.

Me: what’s cooler

Me: beginning woodworking

Me: or

Me: acoustic guitar.

Daisy: guitar.

Me: okay okay.

Daisy: you can’t be like “sup people, let me show you how good i am at woodworking”

Daisy: on the other hand, you can start playing songs on your cool guitar and be like “wow, how fucking great am i? PRETTY GREAT”

(Source: daisykwan)